We all remember how stoked we were about leaving 2019, how everyone bellowed ‘Happy New Year’ at the stroke of 12 midnight on December 31st 2019. Little did we know that 2020 was going to be a roller coaster year. I wouldn’t sadden you with all the details; you know them and may harps, you suffered severely from the shortfall of one or more of these catastrophes.
Every one of us was impacted by the events of the past year in one way or the other. Indeed 2020 was a lesson in the case of the best laid plan of mice and men! But if you are reading this, you are not only a survivor, you are an overcomer!
So here we are at take-off – airport, train station, bus
terminal, sea port etc. whatever means by which you think you are journeying
through 2021, one thing is pertinent, who is at the helm of your affairs? What
is your compass? And where or what is your anchor?
One thing that kept me grounded through the past year was
the word of God and the Holy Spirit. As one item after another on my vision
board seemed to stare (or is it sneer) at me in mockery, there was an anchor
that held the soul; God’s Word!
So as I journey into this New Year not knowing what curve
ball the year would throw, Dare I dream again? Dare I make plans? Dare I have a
vision board? I dare say a resounding
YES!!!!!!!!!!
What gives me the audacity to dream again, hope again and
make plans again? A sure word of prophesy! Proverbs 3:5 &6.
What word do you have for the year? What has God dropped
into your spirit? Remember that the arms
of flesh may fail but we have an infallible God.
I invite you to dare to dream again, hope again and plan
again! Do not approach the year 2021 with fatalism; que sera sera.
Let me leave you with the different translations of Psalm
27:13
New International
Version
I remain confident of this: I will see the goodness of the
LORD in the land of the living.
New Living
Translation
Yet I am confident I will see the LORD’s goodness while I am
here in the land of the living.
English Standard
Version
I believe that I shall look upon the goodness of the LORD in
the land of the living!
ANew American
Standard Bible
I would have despaired unless I had believed that I would
see the goodness of the LORD In the land of the living.
New King James
Version
I would have lost heart, unless I had believed that I would
see the goodness of the LORD In the land of the living.
King James Bible
I had fainted, unless I had believed to see the goodness of
the LORD in the land of the living.
Christian Standard
Bible
I am certain that I will see the LORD’s goodness in the land
of the living.
Contemporary English
Version
but I know I will live to see how kind you are.
Good News Translation
I know that I will live to see the LORD’s goodness in this
present life.
NET Bible
Where would I be if I did not believe I would experience the
LORD’s favor in the land of the living?
Happy New Year once again and remember all we do is WIN!!!!!!!!!!
Sometime in 2014, I had a stirring in my spirit to enroll in Rhema Bible Training Center Abuja Nigeria. I did and I can tell you that that was one of my best decisions of the last decade.
My time in Rhema helped to realign the trajectory of my life and refocus my vision and purpose.
One of my favorite instructors and Director of Rhema Nigeria was gracious enough to share a synopsis of one of his teachings. I strongly believe that this message would help you as you chart the course of your journey through the next decade. Be Blessed!
Get The Vision
Photo Credit: https://pixabay.com/photos
Habakkuk 2 King James Version (KJV)
I will stand upon my watch, and set me upon the tower, and will watch to see what he will say unto me, and what I shall answer when I am reproved.
And the Lord answered me, and said, Write the vision, and make it plain upon tables, that he may run that readeth it.
For the vision is yet for an appointed time, but at the end it shall speak, and not lie: though it tarry, wait for it; because it will surely come, it will not tarry.
God’s plan was for righteousness to be made available to mankind through the finished work of redemption. And thanks be unto God, Jesus consummated that plan. Several Old Testament prophets prophesied of this coming redemption which we now have today.
To Live Outside Of Faith Is Pride And Arrogance
The believer who is now made righteous in Christ is to live by faith. Faith is man acknowledging his utter dependence on God. To live any other way than by faith in God’s Word is pride.
Jeremiah 17 King James Version (KJV)
5 Thus saith the Lord; Cursed be the man that trusteth in man, and maketh flesh his arm, and whose heart departeth from the Lord.
Romans 10:1-3 speaks similarly about Israel
1 Brethren, my heart’s desire and prayer to God for Israel is, that they might be saved. 2 For I bear them record that they have a zeal of God, but not according to knowledge. 3 For they being ignorant of God’s righteousness, and going about to establish their own righteousness, have not submitted themselves unto the righteousness of God.
To walk by faith is to walk in submission to God’s way
Romans 4:13
For the promise, that he should be the heir of the world, was not to Abraham, or to his seed, through the law, but through the righteousness of faith.
Romans 3:21-22 speaks further along these lines
“But now the righteousness of God without the law is manifested, being witnessed by the law and the prophets; Even the righteousness of God which is by faith of Jesus Christ unto all and upon all them that believe: for there is no difference:”
A refusal to embrace the faith life is rebellion and arrogance to God. One can’t really walk in humility before God without walking in faith. Similarly, a person can’t really walk in faith without walking in humility. We must continually realize and remind ourselves that in ourselves we are nothing. It’s Jesus Christ Who is everything and it’s in Him that we are something.
What Do You See?
Photo Credit: https://pixabay.com/photos
A key ingredient to walking in faith is vision. God’s Word brings vision of who we are in Christ, what we have in Him and what we can do because of Him. By taking time to meditate on the Word and fellowship with the Lord in prayer, He brings vision to our spirits of who we are and what we are called to do.
We need to write out the vision that God gives us plainly and follow His plans for our lives. Many times we make a plan of our own and then ask God to bless it. But God can’t put His approval on man’s plans. We should go to God to get His own vision and plan for our lives for that is already blessed.
2 Corinthians 5:7 James Version (KJV)
For we walk by faith, not by sight
We shouldn’t lead our lives primarily by the testimony of our physical senses. We need another kind of sight- we need God’s vision, which is His Word and not man’s limited vision. Anything that can be seen or perceived with the physical senses is transient, temporal and subject to change. It is God’s Word that’s eternal.
Where’s Your Focus?
What we keep looking at is of great importance if we are going to walk in faith.
2 Corinthians 4:18 James Version (KJV)
While we look not at the things which are seen, but at the things which are not seen: for the things which are seen are temporal; but the things which are not seen are eternal.
Proverbs 4: 20 -21 James Version (KJV)
20 My son, attend to my words; incline thine ear unto my sayings.
21 Let them not depart from thine eyes; keep them in the midst of thine heart
Hebrews 12:1-2 James Version (KJV)
1 Wherefore seeing we also are compassed about with so great a cloud of witnesses, let us lay aside every weight, and the sin which doth so easily beset us, and let us run with patience the race that is set before us,
2 Looking unto Jesus the author and finisher of our faith; who for the joy that was set before him endured the cross, despising the shame, and is set down at the right hand of the throne of God.
A man goes in the direction of his vision. We need to get God’s vision for us which is contained in a general sense on the pages of the Holy Writ. His specific plans for our individual lives would be revealed to us by His Spirit in our spirits as we spend time waiting on Him in prayer. Faith is acting on the Word of God, God’s written Word and also the specific instructions He speaks to our spirits.
Constant Fellowship with God will most certainly cause us to be visionary and see beyond natural limitations. There are absolutely no impossibilities with God. Whatever that God-given dream or vision God has placed in your spirit, He will bring it to pass if you will dare to believe Him and act upon His Word.
God Bless You.
About The Contributor
Rev. Tokunbo Adejuwon graduated from the University of Ibadan, Nigeria with a Bachelor’s degree in Mathematics. He also graduated from Rhema Bible Training Center Nagpur, India as well as Rhema Correspondence Bible School Tulsa, Oklahoma, USA.
He was ordained by Pastor & Mrs. Kenneth W. Hagin and is credentialed with Rhema Ministerial Association International, USA. He additionally successfully completed the Senior Management Programme of Lagos Business School, Pan-Atlantic University, Nigeria.
He currently serves in Rhema Bible Training Center Nigeria as the National Director, with campuses in Abuja (National Headquarters), Port Harcourt, Kaduna and currently making plans for the start of the Lagos campus.
He has been actively working in the ministry for over 34 years. He has helped pioneer works, pastored, served in administrative roles and he also now itinerates both nationally and internationally.
He preaches and teaches God’s Word with passionate fervor especially on the subjects of faith and healing. He’s also very strong on following and flowing with the Holy Spirit.
Brother Toks, as he is fondly called is happily married to Dr. Akunna and they have 3 lovely children: Zoe, Sophia and Victor. They are based in Abuja, Nigeria.
Do you want to receive indepth teachings and more direction on how to get the vision, follow it and fulfill God’s purpose for your life?
You can follow Rev. Toks on all his social media handles…
Twitter -@ToksAdejuwon
Instagram- @ToksAdejuwon
Facebook – Tokunbo Adejuwon
You can also enroll into Rhema Bible Training Center- Trust me that’ll be one of the best decisions of your life.
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Learn from a refreshing team of anointed National and International instructors – experienced and endowed with multiple Graces.
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Live in the present! Every day you wake up to is a gift from
God and has to be treated as such. It has to be received with joy and
thanksgiving.
Psalm 118:24 King James Version (KJV)- This is the day which
the Lord hath made; we will rejoice and be glad in it.
What did you expect God to do for you yesterday that you
felt he didn’t do?
What are you looking forward for God to do tomorrow?
Have any of these expectations robbed you of living in the
present?
I once saw a movie
title “Waiting To Exhale” Although it didn’t appear deep or highly spiritual,
it was an insightful movie.
Many of us are waiting for an event to occur in our lives
before we “start living” or get excited about life.
Check out these scenarios:-
“I would be happy when I graduate from college and get a
good job” Then it happened and you’re still not happy or “living yet”. Or you
were happy for the first year, and then you got frustrated with/on the job and
began to look forward to another event.
“I would be happy when I get married”; you got married and
discovered it wasn’t all that you expected. Then you shifted gear and began to
expect kids; “I would be happy when I have my 2.5 kids”
Now the kids are here and they are not all social media
cracked them up to be. You expected your
“mini me” to be a cute little boy or girl that would always make daddy or mummy
go “aaaawww”. But no! Junior gets cranky and wants to have his way; cute
bambina throws tantrums and wouldn’t eat or sleep without fussing.
And once again the happiness goal post shifts; “I would be happy when these kids grow up and go off to college”. They grow up, go off to college and graduate.
Then comes ” I would be happy when these children get married and give me grand kids”
These scenarios are just one aspect of our live expectations; what about the financial aspects? Or the career goals? Or even the ministry goals?
Wake Up And Smell The Coffee!
When would we learn that the rainbow has no end and neither
is there any pot of gold at the non-existent end? How long would you keep
reaching for the future or living in the past?
Some of us are living either in past glories or in past failures. “I remember when I was a size 6 with flat stomach and firm skin” or “I used to have 6-packs and toned muscles”. That’s mundane right? But many of us are still dreaming of our teenage or twenties bodies and hating the bodies we live in presently.
Well, if you hate those flabby muscles or sagging belly;
then get to the gym! Have a lifestyle change; do something about it! But enjoy life
daily while you are at it.
What about body changes that come with age that no amount of
exercise or lifestyle change can alter? Be glad that you’ve lived long enough
to encounter them, embrace the aging process and age gracefully.
You know in what areas you are still living in the past. It may be that prestigious job that came with so much perks and honor that you lost some years back or that business that was second to none in the 90’s. The list of past glories is endless but you have to let it go!
You may have encountered failures either through your carelessness,
naivety of stupidity. Every one of us has. Pick up the lessons learnt, grow/improve and
move on!
Learn From the Nature Of God
When God appeared to Moses, he told him that his name is “I
AM”. God is not the future; he is not
the past, He IS!
The Holy Spirit explained it to me this way; that God is a
constant; he is present continuous. Before I was born, he IS, presently, he IS and in my future he IS.
There is no “was” or “would be” with God.
Let’s examine some scriptures to buttress this fact
Exodus 3:14
King James Version
And God said unto Moses, I AM THAT I AM: and he said, Thus
shalt thou say unto the children of Israel, I AM hath sent me unto you.
New International
Version
God said to Moses, “I AM WHO I AM. This is what you are to
say to the Israelites: ‘I AM has
sent me to you.
Psalm 46: 1
King James Version
God is our refuge and strength, a very present help in trouble.
New International
Version
God is our refuge and strength, an ever-present help in trouble.
Hebrews 1:12
New International
Version
You will roll them up like a robe; like a garment they will
be changed. But you remain the same,
and your years will never end.”
King James Version
And as vesture shalt thou fold them up, and they shall be
changed: but thou art the same,
and thy years shall not fail.
Amplified Bible (AMP)
And like a robe You will roll them up;Like a garment they
will be changed. But [a]You are the
same [forever],And Your years will never end.”
Hebrews 11:6
King James Version
But without faith it is impossible to please him: for he
that cometh to God must believe that he IS, and that he is a rewarder of them that diligently seek him.
I could go on and on but I challenge you to go and do a
study of the unchanging nature of God and his present continuous status.
Live In The Present
The fact that the God who made you “IS” gives you carte blanche to enjoy life every day. This
is because he’s got you covered. He daily loads us with benefits (Psalms 68:19),
so don’t let any day go by without availing yourself of the benefit of that
day.
Does this now mean that you shouldn’t plan or have goals?
Absolutely not! Have your plans and your goals. Learn from the mistakes of the
past, look forward to the promise of better days ahead but enjoy this day in
which you find yourself.
Let me end on this note. Do not borrow tomorrow’s troubles
and forfeit today’s benefits.
Matthew 6:34
New International
Version
Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will
worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.
New Living
Translation
“So don’t worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will bring its
own worries. Today’s trouble is enough for today.
American King James
Version
Take therefore no thought for the morrow: for the morrow
shall take thought for the things of itself. Sufficient to the day is the evil
thereof.
Welcome to the second part of my treatise on peer pressure. If you haven’t read the first part check it out here.
Every human being is born with the need to belong; there is
a longing in everyone’s heart to be part of “something”. That’s why children in
a family need to know that they are an integral part of the family. In the same
vein, the new kid in school wants to be accepted by his peers. So also the new
staff works hard to be accepted as part of the team.
Nobody wants to stick
out like a sore thumb in any environment. Fitting in is the easiest thing to do
at all times or is it? Sometimes the cost of fitting in is by far steeper than
the pain of standing out.
It’s true that the natural inclination of any rational man (generic)
is to tow the path of least resistance. But do you know what I’ve discovered?
No one ever made it to greatness or significance in life by towing the path of
least resistance.
Before we go far in this discuss, let’s consider the book of
Romans 12: 2
King James Version
And be not conformed to this world: but be ye transformed by
the renewing of your mind, that ye may prove what is that good, and acceptable,
and perfect, will of God.
Good News Translation
Do not conform yourselves to the standards of this world,
but let God transform you inwardly by a complete change of your mind. Then you
will be able to know the will of God – what is good and is pleasing to him and
is perfect.
GOD’S WORD Translation
Don’t become like the people of this world. Instead, change
the way you think. Then you will always be able to determine what God really
wants–what is good, pleasing, and perfect.
The Message Bible
Don’t become so well-adjusted to your culture that you fit
into it without even thinking. Instead, fix your attention on God. You’ll be
changed from the inside out. Readily recognize what he wants from you, and
quickly respond to it. Unlike the culture around you, always dragging you down
to its level of immaturity, God brings the best out of you, develops
well-formed maturity in you.
I always like to give us bible verses in different translations so that we can have a broader understanding of the verse. You can go a step further to do a study of this verse on your own.
What is God’s Will For Us?
From the forgoing, we can infer that God’s will for every
one of his children is to think like him. That means being holy and being holy
means being set apart; one of a kind.
So when you refuse to be ruled by self image, status symbols
or worldly values, you are being holy. When your idea of an ideal mum or dad or
how to conduct yourself as a mature single woman is not from Instagram or
social media; when you’d rather obey God than live by the rules of society you
stand out.
Holiness is not defined by the cloths you wear, your jewelries, accessories or hairstyle (those are more like expressions of your personality and or upbringing).
In these days of social media popularity and fronting, a lot
of people would love to be seen as standing out. They post contradictory
messages and attack whatever seems to be a norm. I’ve seen many quotes that get
thumbs up and likes just because they sound deep but sadly are not scripturally
sound.
Standing out and daring to walk alone doesn’t mean
condemning people or their way of life. It doesn’t mean being a social
miscreant or rebel. Neither does it mean causing strife and sowing seeds of
discord wherever you are.
Standing out means learning to walk the path that God has
ordained for you. Following God’s blueprint for your life whether single or
married, raising your children according to God’s purpose and being all that he
has ordained for you to be.
Note that every individual has a blueprint from God; he knows our end from our beginning. He is the manufacturer who has given us the user manual for his product and that user manual is the bible.
God’s Blueprint/User Manual
If you want to be totally free of peer pressure, the most important tool is the renewing of your mind. We know from Romans 12:2 that the renewing of our minds would help us access God’s will for our lives.
When you consult your manufacturer’s manual regularly, you
would understand what to do and what not to do. That’s the process of renewing
your mind.
Most user manuals
would include the following sections:-
The name of the product and other identification
information (may also include materials used in manufacturing the product)
The features or characteristics of the product
How the product functions and what it can do
Instruction for installation, Use and
Maintenance
Precautions, Safety code and other related
guidelines
Frequently asked questions
A section that gives technical support for
troubleshooting
Warranty statements
Do you know that the bible contains all these sections about
your life? You are the product, God is the manufacturer and the bible is the
user manual.
Let me give you a fun challenge; look at all the sections of the above sample table of contents of a user manual and use it for a bible study plan.
For example; day one would be a study on number one on the above table of content. So I would go online and look for bible passages that define who I am (what did God call me when he made me?). Then I would go on to find out who I am in Christ Jesus; I would type in “bible verses about who I am in Christ Jesus” etc.
From there I would move on to item two on the list. Try this
and you’ll be amazed at the treasures you’ll uncover. Furthermore, you’ll be so
engrossed in this challenge that you’ll not have time to check out what other
people are doing with their lives. What’s more, you’ll be delivered from the
pressure of keeping up with the Joneses.
P.S
I started out this piece with some ideas that I wanted to
share about practical steps on how to combat peer pressure. Little did I know
that the Holy Spirit would steer my thoughts the way he did.
I invite you to join me in exploring our user manual; get in on the challenge today!
Whenever we hear the phrase “peer pressure” our minds go to
children or teenagers. We think that its only teenagers that experience peer
pressure. But can I announce to you that peer pressure is a lifelong phenomenon?
Before we go on, let
me give us a formal definition of peer pressure: –
The above definition confirms my earlier assertion that we
are never free from peer pressure as long as we live.
That being said, it is pertinent that we understand the characteristics of peer pressure. For only then would we be able to combat or withstand negative peer pressure. And then we can go on to help our kids, mentees or people in our sphere of influence deal with it too!
7 Telltale Signs of Peer Pressure
Sometimes people wake up and decide to do something and they
feel that the decision is solely theirs. Not so! There are subtle influences
that informed that decision. So whether you are a teenager or midlifer, these
telltale signs would alert you to peer pressure.
Behavioral Adjustments
This is not totally negative; sometimes these adjustments
may be for the better. There are people who make you want to be a better
person. Some others influence/inspire you to seek God more; others challenge
you to be a better spouse and/or parent… the list goes on
But how do you determine when these adjustments are negative? Here are some pointers:-
Anything/person that makes you go against God’s word is a negative influence. This is also true of anything/person that makes you go against the grain of who you are
Let’s come down to “mundane” issues. When you start behaving
in ways that people who know you don’t recognize then there’s a negative peer
pressure at work.
Case in point:
A friendly woman who goes out of her way to be friendly with
everyone she meets; says “hi and how are you today” to the janitor, or chats
with the waiter at the restaurant/cafeteria at lunch time. Then all of a sudden, she becomes this aloof
person who now has an understanding that she’s a management staff who shouldn’t
fraternize with the “help”.
Hmmm! that’s not really who she is; can it be that some
persons have told her that successful career women carry themselves with an “air
of dignity? This by the way is just a very shallow example but I trust that you
get my drift.
A Feeling of Not Belonging (Low Self Esteem)
When a person feels like they don’t belong in a place, then there’s
a subtle peer pressure to make the person fit in.
I know we have all found ourselves at one time or the other in this position. Maybe you didn’t/don’t speak with the same accent and inflections or you didn’t/don’t have the same fashion sense. Your case may be that you didn’t/don’t live in the same geographical location (every city/state in the world have “bourgee” locations) or you don’t have a certain pedigree.
We can all totally relate to that feeling of being the odd
one in a group. And why is that? It’s because there’s an unwritten code that
some influencers are pushing and you are subtly feeling the pressure to
conform.
Experimenting
Trying new things is one sure sign of peer pressure. Again,
this may be either positive or negative. Peer pressure can help you become more
adventurous with your fashion sense, relaxation/fun, exercise regimen etc.
It can also lead you into bad habits; yes even as a midlifer!
Don’t be deceived into thinking that it’s only teenagers that pick up bad
habits.
I know a number of
married women who went wild and broke up their marriages after they turned 40(Most
of them got married in their 20s). Those I spoke with told me that they’ve been
in bondage all these years but have now “woken up”. Do you think they started
trying those new things or going wild on their own? Definitely not!
Image/Status Consciousness
Once a person becomes overtly conscious of their image or status, then they are succumbing to peer pressure. You are a pawn in the hands of social influencers when you live by a “code of conduct” that has no scriptural or moral bearing or that exalt image above reality.
If you can buy clothes and other fashion accessories on
credit just so that you look the part, you are a victim of peer pressure. Same goes
for those who misplace priority for status symbols; flashy cars and a fancy
house instead of a good school for the kids or college funds, expensive
vacations instead of regular mortgage payments… and the list goes on.
Comparison
Whenever you find yourself comparing yourself with someone else, you are responding to peer pressure. Whether you do so to feel good that you are better than others or you feel inferior to your contemporaries. It’s all one and the same; it does you more harm than good.
2 Corinthians 10:12
New International Version
We do not dare to classify or compare ourselves with some
who commend themselves. When they measure themselves by themselves and compare
themselves with themselves, they are not wise.
New Living Translation
Oh, don’t worry; we wouldn’t dare say that we are as
wonderful as these other men who tell you how important they are! But they are
only comparing themselves with each other, using themselves as the standard of
measurement. How ignorant!
English Standard Version
Not that we dare to classify or compare ourselves with some
of those who are commending themselves. But when they measure themselves by one
another and compare themselves with one another, they are without
understanding.
Doing Things Just to Please Others
Have you ever attended an event just to please someone? Or
have you worn something you didn’t particularly like just because it’s
trending? These are simple examples. Let’s
go deeper…
What of those situations when you have been pressured into making life changing decisions that didn’t resonate with your spirit?
All of us can testify to having done something that we didn’t
like just because of peer pressure or other forms of pressure.
Performance at Work or Other Life’s Endeavor
Peer pressure affects people’s performance either negatively or positively. Some people become overachievers while others become underachievers. Others yet are inspired to become all that God has ordained them to be.
Over-achievement
The following excerpt from www.verywellmind.com explains overachievement/overachievers:-
“Success is something that everyone strives for, but is it
ever possible to work too hard to reach your goals? Overachievers are people
who do great things, but still need to accomplish more. Even though they attain
more success than the vast majority of people, they are never satisfied and
always strive to accomplish more.
While this behavior can lead to professional and academic
success, it can create a huge imbalance in a person’s life. An overachiever may
neglect his or her own needs or the needs of family and friends in order to
triumph.
Achievement is, in most cases, a good thing. After all, who doesn’t want to reach their goals? The problem with overachievement is that it involves reaching these goals at costs that outweigh the rewards. People often sacrifice their own health, happiness, and relationships in order to chase a target that is always moving beyond them”. https://www.verywellmind.com/are-you-an-overachiever-4580606.
Underachievement
There are so many definitions of an underachiever but in the
course of my study/research this write-up on the link below caught my attention
It explains who an underachiever is and what makes you one. This discourse goes to corroborate my assertions that we are driven to certain actions and habits by peer pressure.
I deliberately brought these links to you so that you can do a bit of further reading and hopefully learn more from these write-ups.
I’m sure some of you are wondering why this post is not replete
with bible references as is my style but not to worry. This is just the first part
of my thoughts and findings on peer pressure.
Please stay with me
as I bring you the conclusion of this treatise in subsequent posts.
Many singles have woken up one day and discovered “wow! I’m
40 and single; how do I cope?
There are many reasons why one may still be single at 40.
Some of the most commonly known reasons are as follows:-
Death of a spouse, Never Been Married, Divorce, Health or
Personal Choice
Truth be told, 99.9999% of single people out there
(especially women) never saw themselves single at 40 or beyond.
Of all the reasons for being single, one that poses the
greatest challenge is that of never being married. Am I saying that other
reasons are not as daunting or challenging? Nope! But sometimes society
dictates otherwise.
Coming to Terms With Being 40 and Single
Navigating the waters
of being single after 40 differs from one person to the other. But the constant
factor that must anchor every Christian single is the bible.
Although many physiologists have a lot of theories on coming
to terms with singlehood after 40, nothing beats the word of God.
To come to terms with your single status, you have to believe God’s word and hold on to it, come rain or shine.
Don’t roll your eyes just yet. Let’s consider these scriptures:-
1st Corinthians 7:17 The Message
And don’t be wishing you were someplace else or with someone
else. Where you are right now is God’s place for you. Live and obey and love
and believe right there. God, not your marital status, defines your life. Don’t
think I’m being harder on you than on the others. I give this same counsel in
all the churches.
Ephesians 1:5-6 New King James Version (NKJV)
5 having predestined us to adoption as sons by Jesus Christ
to Himself, according to the good pleasure of His will, 6 to the praise of the
glory of His grace, by which He [a]made us accepted in the Beloved.
Ephesians 1:4-6 The Message (MSG)
3-6 How blessed is God! And what a blessing he is! He’s the
Father of our Master, Jesus Christ, and takes us to the high places of blessing
in him. Long before he laid down earth’s foundations, he had us in mind, had
settled on us as the focus of his love, to be made whole and holy by his love.
Long, long ago he decided to adopt us into his family through Jesus Christ.
(What pleasure he took in planning this!) He wanted us to enter into the
celebration of his lavish gift-giving by the hand of his beloved Son.
Practical Ways of Dealing With Singleness
Free yourself from societal expectation
So many single people live in constant fear of what people
are saying about them. They are taunted by the ridicule and castigation of
society.
I have first hand experience of it here in our African
society. I’ve also heard about the experiences of my sisters in other climes
and societies.
From the snide remarks at weddings, baby showers or other
family gatherings. To the insinuation that something must be wrong with you if
such a pretty and intelligent woman can’t get anyone to marry her. Or the
admonition that you should please tone down your intelligence and assertiveness
so that you wouldn’t intimidate potential suitors… the lines are unending.
For the guys, I’ve heard it said that a guy that’s still
single at 40 and above must be irresponsible. In some circles, they say that
there must be something wrong with the man physically (in reference to his
sexual health/ abilities). In this day and age some people even go as far as
questioning the person’s sexual orientation.
It can be exhausting I know but we all have to learn to cope
with it.
Tips for coping
Let me share some of the coping mechanisms, I’ve adopted
over the years
Spiritual Fortification
Before going for any gathering that I know may trigger
pressure, I meditate on some scriptures. I call this my spiritual fortification
I keep emphasizing the fact that the bible is an anchor for
our souls. Please don’t trivialize this fact or take it as cliché.
These scriptures work for me and I believe they’ll work for you too. Let me share some of them with you . They are Romans 8:28, Jeremiah 29:11, Isaiah 49. You can still find more for yourself.
In addition to meditating on scriptures, I pray in tongues for a bit. This helps to keep me grounded because I could become caustic if aggravated. I’ve noticed that this helps to fortify me and keep me calm no matter the jabs, innuendos or aggravations.
Psychological Fortification
In addition to meditating on scriptures, I remind myself
that life is an adventure and not a plan.
When I was coming to earth, I didn’t come with a plan. I was just born! I had no say on who my parents were going to be or about any aspect of my life. So there’s no need to stress myself over any situation
This is not a “Que será, sera” attitude but a paradigm
shift. Build up a stronghold in your mind that you are complete in Christ and
that nothing is wrong with you.
Marriage is not a reward for good behavior neither is
singleness a punishment for bad behavior.
I would not be bamboozled into fulfilling anyone’s
expectation of me. I would be courageous enough to trust God’s plan for my
life.
Please note that these affirmations and fortifications is
not a one off exercise but a continuous exercise. Trust me, the more you engage
in this exercise, the calmer you become and more equipped to ignore all that
society throws at you.
Avoid Pressure triggering situations
Try to avoid those situations where you are always put under
undue pressure.
I’ve had to delete some numbers from my contact. I don’t
attend every program I’m invited to (especially by long time acquaintances) I’m
not saying you should cut off everyone from your past but learn how to evade
too much proximity that leads to comparison.
Case in point; I was
invited to the wedding of one of my Sunday school kids (she’s 20 years younger
than I am). I knew most of my old acquaintances would be there and the first
question out of their mouths would be “when would we attend your own
wedding? Or why don’t you want to get married?
So I called the bride-to-be’s mum (who happened to be an old friend) and
asked for the bride’s account number (this was after making the requisite enquiries
and congratulatory speech).
Thereafter, I made my excuses and expressed regrets at my
inability to be at the wedding. Then immediately wired a cash gift to the
account. This was a case where I could avoid the event. But in a case where you
can’t avoid the event, you fortify yourself before attending.
Anyway, that’s my personal opinion and experience. You may differ or have a better way to handle this… I’d love to hear from you.
There are so many other pressure triggering situations and
events. Learn to identify yours and ask for divine wisdom on how to avoid them
or at best cope in those situations.
Surround Yourself With A Positive Support System
Be An Active Member of A Church
As the saying goes “no man is an island”. Everybody needs
someone; that one or two persons that you can be vulnerable with and not feel
judged or condemned.
As a Christian, it is pertinent that you have a church
family. This is so important that we can’t gloss over it. We need to emphasize
this point especially in this day and age where one can be a member of a church
by proxy. Do not assume that logging on to a service and joining in the chat
room conversation is the same as physical attendance and membership.
Remember Hebrews 10:25 tells us not to forsake the assembling
of the saints. When you meet with other believers, you are encouraged and
exhorted. You receive fortification to face the pressures and storms of
life. Additionally, you get the right
kind of support!
Proverbs 27:17 says that iron sharpens iron….
Some may say that church folks have done them more evil than
good. Hmmmm! Stay with us; we’ll discuss the purpose of the church in later
posts.
Have Friends of Like Faith and Values
In building a positive support system, you need to bear in
mind that they have to be people of like faith and values. Amos 3:3 says “can two walk together except
they agree? Do not surround yourself
with people who scoff at scriptures. Or those who tell you to be real (that is
suggesting that scriptures are fluffy but worldly philosophies are real).
Case in point:
Me: My hormones have been running wild lately; I need some
TLC(tender, loving, care).
Happy go lucky, church going friend: I can hook you up with
a cool bloke. No questions asked. After all God knows we have needs.
Same scenario, spirit-led friend: Let’s go take in a movie
or go for a Zumba session. You’ll be fine.
Who do you think I should hang out with? The one who affirms
my sexual frustrations and proffers one night stands or friends with
benefits? Or the one who helps me find healthy
alternative outlet for my frustrations?
Every human being is a slave to something; no one is
actually “free” in the true sense. But thank God that we can choose our
chains! Ponder this:
Romans 6:16
New International Version
Don’t you know that when you offer yourselves to someone as
obedient slaves, you are slaves of the one you obey–whether you are slaves to
sin, which leads to death, or to obedience, which leads to righteousness?
New Living Translation
Don’t you realize that you become the slave of whatever you
choose to obey? You can be a slave to sin, which leads to death, or you can
choose to obey God, which leads to righteous living.
The right kind of support would not only keep you away from
sin but would also build you up emotionally.
Don’t be friends with negative people. Don’t be friends with
people who love comparison(2nd Corinthians 10:12b NIV :When they measure
themselves by themselves and compare themselves with themselves, they are not
wise). Don’t be friends with people who sap you of spiritual or emotional energy.
Don’t! Don’t!! Don’t!!!
Your support group should be people whose values mirror
yours; people who would look you in the eye and tell you the truth in love.
Learn To Play And Have Fun
When you hit age 40 and above, tendency is that you have become set in your ways. You go to work, come back home, eat and sleep.
Some folks are fortunate enough to love exercise or have developed an exercise regimen. So these ones may hit the gym or exercise routes twice or more times a week.
Other folks who are active in church or ministry would also invest their energy in church or ministry activities.
At the end of the day you find out that life seems to become a chore or burden. But it shouldn’t be!
Find activities that excite you! Make out time to play and have fun with friends and family (minus pressure triggering events; the keyword is fun. If it aint fun or healthy, stay away!).
Do not isolate yourself!
Life should not be all about responsibilities and obligations.
Stop and smell the roses. Enjoy life; everyday that comes is a blessing from
God. He has freely given us all things to enjoy.
Conclusion
Determine today to enjoy life in your single status. Whether
single by choice, never married or made single by circumstance remember that
your status in life does not define you.
You are already accepted in the beloved and you can do all
things through Christ who strengthens you!
The truth is that you do not just have to cope with being 40
and single; you can be 40, 50 or 60 and above and still flourish.
It’s not over until you draw your last breath; if you are
still here, then you’re not done.
I’d love to hear from you. Reach out to us in our comments section; we’ll be glad to respond.
The “What If” Syndrome is a malady that attacks
everyone. However, this problem is more prevalent the older one gets.
The single asks “what if” I never get married?.
What if I have to be all alone in old age?
Some women ask “what if” I never had kids?
The parents of college age kids ask “what if” we
can’t see our kids through college?
The single parent asks “what if” I mess up my
kid’s life? “what if” I’m not a good parent?
There are so many “what ifs” that confront
midlifers…
“What if I’m diagnosed with cancer or some life
threatening disease?
“What if I go bankrupt or become unable to provide for
my family?
“What if my husband leaves me for a younger woman?
“What if my children turn out badly?
What if? What if?? What if???
The Root of The ‘what if “Syndrome
Notice that all the examples of the “what ifs”
I’ve given are negative? So is it safe to say that the root of the “what if” syndrome is fear?
I did a bit of research on this and my conclusion is YES!
Fear is the root of the “what if” syndrome.
Before we delve into dealing with fear, we need to understand what fear is and God’s perspective on fear.
Dictionary Definition
of Fear
Fear is a feeling induced by perceived danger or threat that
occurs in certain types of organisms, which causes a change in metabolic and
organ functions and ultimately a change in behavior, such as fleeing, hiding,
or freezing from perceived traumatic events. Fear in human beings may occur in
response to certain stimulus occurring in the present, or in anticipation or
expectation of a future threat perceived as a risk to body or life. The fear
response arises from the perception of danger leading to confrontation with or
escape from/avoiding the threat (also known as the fight-or-flight response),
which in extreme cases of fear (horror and terror) can be a freeze response or
paralysis. https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Fear
Human Perspective on
Fear
Psychologists posit that fear is a healthy phenomena. They
all agree that every human being is wired with a sense of fear. Furthermore,
they say that this type of fear helps us to avoid dangerous situations.
Humanly speaking, we can all identify with this. From the
irrational fear of the dark/bogey man of childhood to fear learned from
experiences; different factors shape our fears.
Some of these fears are considered rational while others are
considered irrational. The irrational fears are the one categorized as phobias.
Everyone has one phobia or the other, or has had to deal with one fear or the other.
I have seen macho men cringe and break out in sweat at the
sight of a rat or other rodents. I have also seen smart, intelligent and strong
women pass out at the sight of a roach or spider.
Yours truly is still putting off learning to swim because I can’t
stand water on my face and fear of being underwater (can’t even stand under a
shower; thank God for detachable shower heads!)
But funny enough I love going on ferry/boat rides. I would
overcome it, I’ll learn to swim before I’m 60; I promise (tongue in cheek)
Well, I’m not giving an expose on fear just wanted to give a
little background.
So what does God/Scriptures have to say about fear?
God’s Perspective on
Fear
I am not a certified bible scholar, just a student of
scriptures. In my limited study of scriptures, I have come across the word fear
or its synonyms a number of times. But in 90% of the times I’ve encountered it;
it has been as a warning against it.
The word “fear not” is recurrent in scriptures. It
shows up as either “fear not” or “be not afraid” why is
that? Because God knows that fear has torment!
Yes psychologists agree that there’s healthy fear but God’s
word constantly says “fear not”
Would God wire fear into man and then command him not to be
afraid? I think not!
The little illumination I got from the Holy Spirit is that
fear came in at the fall of man.
God created us in his image; “in his likeness created he
them” -Genesis 1:27
So if I have been born again, it means that I’ve gone back
to original setting –
1st Corinthians 5:17
King James Bible
Therefore if any man be in Christ, he is a new creature: old
things are passed away; behold all things are become new.
GOD’S WORD® Translation
Whoever is a believer in Christ is a new creation. The old
way of living has disappeared. A new way of living has come into existence.
New Living Translation
This means that anyone who belongs to Christ has become a
new person. The old life is gone; a new life has begun!
You may do a further study on this scripture it would bless
you.
So if the old is passed and the new is here, it means my
definition of fear and how I relate to it must change.
‘Practical Ways” of Dealing with Fear
By “practical ways” I mean psychologists’ prescription
for dealing with fear.
In the course of researching this subject, I found many
prescriptions for dealing with fear.
On the surface many of them were great. I’ll give you an
example…
1. When faced with fear, confront it; stare the fear in the
face and acknowledge it.
2. Then go away to a quiet place.
3. Empty your mind of all the negative thoughts and finally,
4. Begin to meditate on positive things. Think of green meadows,
peacefully flowing streams, birds chirping in the trees or a beautiful sunset.
Some Psychologists even recommend yoga and other methods of
meditation.
Yes, most of these prescriptions may help calm your nerves
for that moment. But do they get to the root of the fear? I dare say, NO!
My Own Coping Mechanism
There’s one thing that has helped me so far to deal with
fear. This is in addition to the tested, proven and true method of the bible.
Nobody taught me to do this, I just found myself thinking
this way. Or maybe years of walking and fellowshipping with the Holy Spirit
taught me. I can’t say categorically what prompted me to do this when fear or
one of those “what ifs” come visiting.
I gather all my what ifs, line them up before me (this is of
course an imaginary line up) .
Then I begin to ask myself what the worst case scenario
would be about those “what ifs”
So what if I’m still single in my mid to late 40’s? – What’s
the worst that can happen?
So what if I never give birth to a child?
So what if I don’t have substantial savings for retirement?
So what if I don’t have a home of my own? What if I’m still renting and can’t afford a home well into my 50s or 60s?
The list goes on and on.
By the time I line up these what ifs and answer the question
with the worst case scenario, I find that life would still go on in spite of
all the worst case scenarios.
In fact not only would life go on, life would still be
enjoyable because there’s more to life than all my “what ifs”.
God’s Prescription For Dealing with The “what If” syndrome
If you examine all the “what ifs” in your life, you’ll
discover they stem from a fear of the unknown.
I know many of us would have loved to have the entire
picture of our life’s journey. But unfortunately it doesn’t work that way.
“If only God had told me when I turned 18 that i would get
married at 45 or at 50 or not at all”.
“If only God had told me that he wanted me to be a preacher
instead of allowing me to go through all those career fails”.
“If only God had told me this”… “if only God had told me
that”.
But he has already told us all we need to know to live
fearlessly. Huh?? When did he do that?
Have you studied your user manual lately? Yep! Your user
manual; the bible.
God has a lot to say about your journey on earth and why you
don’t have to be afraid.
So when one of those monsters or perky naggings of “what if” rears up its head,
here are some scriptures to meditate upon.
When You Feel Unloved, All Alone or Uncertain and Anxious About The Future
Isaiah chapter 49 (Read and meditate on the entire chapter)
Jeremiah 29:11
Young’s Literal Translation
Wycliffe
The Webster Bible
World English Bible
For I have known the thoughts that I am thinking towards you — an
affirmation of Jehovah; thoughts of peace, and not of evil, to give to you
posterity and hope.
For I know the thoughts which I think on you, saith the Lord, the
thoughts of peace, and not of torment, that I give to you an end and
patience. (For I know the thoughts which I think about you, saith the Lord,
the thoughts of peace, and not of torment, so that I shall give you a good
ending.)
For I know the thoughts that I think towards you, saith the LORD,
thoughts of peace, and not of evil, to give you an expected end.
For I know the thoughts that I think toward you, says Yahweh,
thoughts of peace, and not of evil, to give you hope in your latter end.
If You Have a Wayward Ward or Child…
New International Version
English Standard Version
Berean Study Bible
New Living Translation
Isaiah 43:4-6
4 Since you are precious and
honored in my sight, and because I love you, I will give people in exchange
for you, nations in exchange for your life.
5 Do not be afraid, for I am
with you; I will bring your children from the east and gather you from the
west.
6 I will say to the north,
‘Give them up!’ and to the south, ‘Do not hold them back.’ Bring my sons from
afar and my daughters from the ends of the earth
4 Because you are precious in
my eyes, and honored, and I love you, I give men in return for you, peoples
in exchange for your life.
5 Fear not, for I am with you;
I will bring your offspring from the east, and from the west I will gather
you.
6 I will say to the north,
Give up, and to the south, Do not withhold; bring my sons from afar and my
daughters from the end of the earth
4Because you are precious and honored in My sight, and because I love
you,I will give men in exchange for you and nations in place of your life.
5Do not be afraid, for I am with you; I will bring your offspring
from the east and gather you from the west.
6I will say to the north, ‘Give them up!’And to the south, ‘Do not
hold them back!’
Bring My sons from afar,
and My daughters from the ends of the earth—
4 Others were given in exchange for you.
I traded their lives for yours because you are precious to me.
You are honored, and I love you.
5 “Do not be afraid, for I am with you.
I will gather you and your
children from east and west.
6 I will say to the north and south, ‘Bring my sons and daughters
back to Israel from the distant
corners of the earth
Isaiah 54:13
All your children will be taught by the LORD, and great will be their
peace.
All your children shall be taught by the LORD, and great shall be the
peace of your children
Then all your sons will be taught by the LORD, and great will be
their prosperity.
I will teach all your children, and they will enjoy great peace
When You Fear Impending Shame or Public Embarrassment
New International Version
English Standard Version
Amplified Bible, Classic Edition (AMPC)
New Living Translation
Isaiah 54:3 & 4
3 For you will spread out to the right and to the left; your
descendants will dispossess nations and settle in their desolate cities.
4 “Do not be afraid; you will not be put to shame.
Do not fear disgrace; you will
not be humiliated.
You will forget the shame of your youth and remember no more the
reproach of your widowhood.
3 For you will spread abroad to the right and to the left, and your
offspring will possess the nations
and will people the desolate cities.
4 “Fear not, for you will not be ashamed; be not confounded, for you
will not be disgraced;
for you will forget the shame of your youth, and the reproach of your
widowhood you will remember no more.
3 For you will spread abroad to the right hand and to the left; and
your offspring will possess the nations and make the desolate cities to be
inhabited.
4 Fear not, for you shall not be ashamed; neither be confounded and
depressed, for you shall not be put to shame. For you shall forget the shame
of your youth, and you shall not [seriously] remember the reproach of your
widowhood any more.
3 For you will soon be bursting at the seams.
Your descendants will occupy other nations and resettle the ruined
cities.
4 “Fear not; you will no longer live in shame.
Don’t be afraid; there is no
more disgrace for you.
You will no longer remember the shame of your youth and the sorrows
of widowhood.
Matthew 6:26
26 Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store
away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more
valuable than they?
26 Look at the birds of the air: they neither sow nor reap nor gather
into barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not of more
value than they?
26 Look at the birds of the air; they neither sow nor reap nor gather
into barns, and yet your heavenly Father keeps feeding them. Are you not
worth much more than they?
26 Look at the birds. They don’t plant or harvest or store food in
barns, for your heavenly Father feeds them. And aren’t you far more valuable
to him than they are?
1st Peter 5:7
Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you.
Casting all your anxieties on him, because he cares for you
Amplified Bible (AMP)
7 casting all your cares [all your anxieties, all your worries, and
all your concerns, once and for all] on Him, for He cares about you [with
deepest affection, and watches over you very carefully].
Classic Edition
7 Casting the [a]whole of your care [all your anxieties, all your
worries, all your concerns, [b]once and for all] on Him, for He cares for you
affectionately and cares about you [c]watchfully.
Give all your worries and cares to God, for he cares about you.
Conclusion
“What ifs” would rob you of all the joy that God
has for you in the here and now.
God’s got you covered so go ahead and enjoy life!
Yes you heard me; enjoy life! Sing a little louder! Dance more often! Work hard and play hard! Explore new interests and pursue adventure (within Godly limits of course)
Hear Solomon in Ecclesiastes 8:15…
New International Version
So I commend the enjoyment of life, because there is nothing
better for a person under the sun than to eat and drink and be glad. Then joy
will accompany them in their toil all the days of the life God has given them
under the sun.
New Living Translation
So I recommend having fun, because there is nothing better
for people in this world than to eat, drink, and enjoy life. That way they will
experience some happiness along with all the hard work God gives them under the
sun.
Berean Study Bible
So I commended the enjoyment of life, because there is
nothing better for a man under the sun than to eat and drink and be merry. For
this joy will accompany him in his labor during the days of his life that God
gives him under the sun.
The Message Bible
So, I’m all for just going ahead and having a good time –
the best possible. The only earthly good men and women can look forward to is
to eat and drink well and have a good time – compensation for the struggle for
survival these few years God gives us on earth.
Solomon had a very adventurous life before he ended up
saying “vanity upon vanity, all is vanity”
Do not wake up one day with all your teeth gone and your
eyes dim only to discover that life has passed you by. Then you become a bitter
old man or woman!
Leave all the “what ifs” at the master’s feet and skip along
with no worries; Yes no worries!
When I was a little girl, I always dreamt of being a big girl. I fantasized about a wedding and all the paparazzi and fanfare that go into the day.
As I turned 18, I began to develop a sense of purpose. I
knew that my life consisted of more than a husband and children. My university days were filled with a
certainty that I was fulfilling purpose. In spite of all the ups and downs I
experienced, I still believed that I was making a positive impact in my sphere
of influence.
Fast forward to the year I was to turn 40! I had braved the
30’s as a single woman, endured the trials and enjoyed the triumphs. And I felt
I was ready for the 40’s.
Then that day dawned; the day I turned 40. And I realized I wasn’t as ready as I thought. It hit me real hard! Physically, I didn’t look a day older than 30 (I gat pictures to prove…tongue in cheek).
But where it mattered (in my mind and soul) I felt wow! This
is it! Where do I go from here?
Realities of Life After 40
Like I said, I felt that I was prepared for my 40’s but when
it came… Phew!
I’d had some health, career, financial and emotional issues
before then. But now they seemed to have grown in magnitude.
Wait a minute. Did I tell you that I was scheduled to go in
for a second surgery a month after my 40th birthday? Is that a sob or a sigh I
hear from someone? Don’t cry for me just yet. That’s not the end of my story. (Watch
this space; there’s more glory ahead!)
True, life presents us with a lot of hard facts by the time
we turn 40. We’ll discuss some of them. But know that there’s always a pro and
con to every situation in life. We must
always learn to look out for the good.
Health in Life After
40
There are so many articles both offline and online on health
issues after 40. From mental health, to
cardiovascular health, to cholesterol and high blood pressure issues; the list
goes on. They are almost too many to enumerate.
You are advised to watch what you eat, exercise regularly
and get a good night’s sleep; among other expert advices. These advices didn’t
seem too relevant when you were 30 or less. But now it seems to be the
“holy grail” for life in the 40s and beyond. Sounds trite but that’s
the reality of life on the fourth floor (wink).
Truth be told, you have a lot to be thankful for if all you
have to deal with is watching what you eat, exercising regularly and sleeping
well.
Some folks have a lot more health issues to deal with at
this point in their lives
Body Issues of Life
After 40
Hmmmmm! this part is very painful; especially for ladies. A
friend and I saw one of our old buddies (same age bracket) and he was looking
buff.
She goes “it’s not fair” why do men become more
dignified with age and women just age? I’ve heard that many times and though I
may not be of the same opinion, that’s one reality of the 40s for women.
The once petite babe of the 90’s now has a rounded stomach
and some stretch marks. Trophies from 2, 3 or 4 trips to the labor ward and 3
to 12 months of breastfeeding. Wrinkles start to appear on a once smooth face
and the single ladies start freaking out about ever getting married.
Tall, dark and handsome now has some grays at the temple and
a one pack (solidly in the midsection lol) that he does his best to hide.
These are actually the least of body issues; we know there
are more serious body issues.
Well no matter how wonderful your genes are. No matter the
level of discipline you maintain in every area of life. You can never look the
same in your 40s as you did in your teens and 20s… Deal with it!
Sexuality
Mmmmmh not an expert on this but let me tell you what I heard. I heard that the get up and go in this department is not as it was in the 20s (especially for guys); just repeating hearsay.
But I’m sure all of us have experienced or are experiencing one issue or the other in this area. I hope we know that sexuality covers a wide range of issues? Just checking…
Mid Life Crisis
Tell me about it! Emotions and moods swing from one end of the pendulum to the other. People make crazy decisions that even they are in awe of.
Some people’s marriages break up due to a lack of understanding of what’s happening to them. Others wreck careers and relationships that have been built over the years. While some folks go into depression; the list goes on
Mid life crisis manifests in different ways. Each individual
experiences it in unique ways. Some even experience it without knowing what
they are going through.
Finance
This is usually a tough season for mid lifers who have kids.
At this stage most families are seeing kids through college or preparing to.
Some others also have mortgages and some debts that are not fully paid off.
If you are unfortunate to be unemployed at this age, you
find that the competition to get a job is stiffer. Some 40s plus have had to take
a pay cut just to have regular incomes. Those who couldn’t get jobs have had to
resort to self employment and entrepreneurship.
All these coupled with preparing for retirement are serious financial realities.
Career
By mid or late 40s,
many folks are well advanced in their careers. Some begin to plateau while
others fight to stay relevant in the fast paced corporate world.
Those who are not so fortunate feel that they can’t start
anything at this point in their lives. Is it even possible to start dreaming
again at this age? Can one start a new career after 40?
Preparing for Life
After 40
Throw Out All Rules
We have talked about some of the realities of life after 40. There are so many research findings and studies on preparing for life after 40. So much so that many people are confused by conflicting advises and opinions.
What does one do in the face of all these ideas, theories
and positions? Do I bury my head in the sand like the ostrich and believe that
life would sort itself out? Is there any authority on how one should prepare
for life after 40?
Can I share a life changing truth with you? Read all the
articles, research findings, books and all on life after 40. Attend all the
seminars, conferences and events that you can. Listen to financial, health and
marriage advice.
Finally, throw them all out!
From the Inside Out
Preparing for life after 40 starts from the inside out. Remember
our rule about coming back to what the bible says about every issue?
Yep! We are back to the basics. The bible says that as a man
thinketh in his heart so is he (Proverbs 23:7 KJV).
You need a paradigm shift to embrace and live the good life
even till you are 120!
Guard your heart with all diligence for out of it are the
issues of life( Proverbs 4:23KJV) World
English Bible translates it thus ” Keep your heart with all diligence, for
out of it is the wellspring of life”
You need to watch what goes into your heart and what takes
up residence in you. Every day, we build strongholds in our minds one thought
at a time.
So many people live in morbid fear of ageing, fear of not
meeting goals or targets. Or not living up to societal expectations. Stop
already!
It is imperative that you understand that your life is yours
to live for God and not society. Am I saying you should be irresponsible and
not plan your life? Definitely not!
You totally need to prepare for life after 40 but with one
thought in mind; God is the author and finisher of your faith.
We are so obsessed with goal setting and planning that most
of us leave God out of the equation. Ponder Proverbs 16:9 for a minute (I’ll
show different translations)
Contemporary English
Version
We make our own plans, but the LORD decides where we will
go.
New Living
Translation
We can make our plans, but the LORD determines our steps.
Berean Study Bible
A man’s heart plans his course, but the LORD determines his
steps.
New International
Version
In their hearts humans plan their course, but the LORD establishes
their steps.
English Standard
Version
The heart of man plans his way, but the LORD establishes his
steps.
King James Bible
A man’s heart deviseth his way: but the LORD directeth his
steps.
Conclusion
For the 40s and above living their dreams, I rejoice with
you and ask that you share your success stories with others. Not as a yardstick
or standard for living but as encouragement.
If you are in your 40s already and didn’t plan your life, it’s never too late to dream again, set goals and start over. You can pull down wrong mindsets that have told you that a fool at 40 is a fool forever. Your story can be that life begins at 40; With God all things are possible.
But if you are yet to hit 40, blessed are you. Hopefully, you do not have many regrets like some ahead of you. And can begin or continue to build up positive strongholds that would withstand the onslaught of midlife.
Did you think I was going to give you some “expert”
ideas on how to plan for mid life? Ooops! Sorry. I just wanted to bring you back
to the basics.
But not to worry; stay with us as we shall be bringing
expert advice, tips and what to do at this point in your life.
We would also be sharing bible passages that would help
build your faith and establish positive strongholds and mindsets.
Enjoying Life After 40
I’m in my 6th soon to be 7th year on the 4th floor of life. Have all my expectations been met? Am I living my dream without regrets or what ifs? Not entirely.
But one thing I can confidently tell you is this; life can
indeed begin at 40.
God can restore all that’s been stolen from you. I was blessed by this line from The Insight Daily devotional by Pst Temi Odejide.
I hear someone say “but I wasted my youth” Remember the prodigal son? (Luke 15:11-32).
Another may say “life has been so unfair to me”
Remember Ruth? (Study the entire book of Ruth in the Bible).
Yet some other may say “I had a bad start in life and could
never catch a break” Consider Jabez (1 Chronicles 4:9-10).
Hindsight they say is 20/20 but it doesn’t have to impede
your progress. You do not have to live in regret, bitterness or even past
glories. You can employ the lessons of
the past to enjoy the present and future.
Do you have stories, experiences, comments or questions? We’d
love to hear from you in the comments section.
