The Late Bloomer

The “What If” Syndrome is a malady that attacks everyone. However, this problem is more prevalent the older one gets.

The single asks “what if” I never get married?. What if I have to be all alone in old age?

Some women ask “what if” I never had kids?

The parents of college age kids ask “what if” we can’t see our kids through college?

The single parent asks “what if” I mess up my kid’s life? “what if” I’m not a good parent?

There are so many “what ifs” that confront midlifers…

“What if I’m diagnosed with cancer or some life threatening disease?

“What if I go bankrupt or become unable to provide for my family?

“What if my husband leaves me for a younger woman?

“What if my children turn out badly?

What if? What if?? What if???

 The Root of The ‘what if “Syndrome

Notice that all the examples of the “what ifs” I’ve given are negative?  So is it  safe to say that the root of the  “what if” syndrome is fear?

I did a bit of research on this and my conclusion is YES! Fear is the root of the “what if” syndrome.

Before we delve into dealing with fear, we need to understand what fear is and God’s perspective on fear.

Dictionary Definition of Fear

Fear is a feeling induced by perceived danger or threat that occurs in certain types of organisms, which causes a change in metabolic and organ functions and ultimately a change in behavior, such as fleeing, hiding, or freezing from perceived traumatic events. Fear in human beings may occur in response to certain stimulus occurring in the present, or in anticipation or expectation of a future threat perceived as a risk to body or life. The fear response arises from the perception of danger leading to confrontation with or escape from/avoiding the threat (also known as the fight-or-flight response), which in extreme cases of fear (horror and terror) can be a freeze response or paralysis. https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Fear

Human Perspective on Fear

Psychologists posit that fear is a healthy phenomena. They all agree that every human being is wired with a sense of fear. Furthermore, they say that this type of fear helps us to avoid dangerous situations.

Humanly speaking, we can all identify with this. From the irrational fear of the dark/bogey man of childhood to fear learned from experiences; different factors shape our fears.

Some of these fears are considered rational while others are considered irrational. The irrational fears are the one categorized as phobias.

Everyone has one phobia or the other, or has had to deal with one fear or the other.

I have seen macho men cringe and break out in sweat at the sight of a rat or other rodents. I have also seen smart, intelligent and strong women pass out at the sight of a roach or spider.

Yours truly is still putting off learning to swim because I can’t stand water on my face and fear of being underwater (can’t even stand under a shower; thank God for detachable shower heads!)

But funny enough I love going on ferry/boat rides. I would overcome it, I’ll learn to swim before I’m 60; I promise (tongue in cheek)

Well, I’m not giving an expose on fear just wanted to give a little background.

So what does God/Scriptures have to say about fear?

God’s Perspective on Fear

I am not a certified bible scholar, just a student of scriptures. In my limited study of scriptures, I have come across the word fear or its synonyms a number of times. But in 90% of the times I’ve encountered it; it has been as a warning against it.

The word “fear not” is recurrent in scriptures. It shows up as either “fear not” or “be not afraid” why is that? Because God knows that fear has torment!

Yes psychologists agree that there’s healthy fear but God’s word constantly says “fear not”

Would God wire fear into man and then command him not to be afraid? I think not!

The little illumination I got from the Holy Spirit is that fear came in at the fall of man.

God created us in his image; “in his likeness created he them” -Genesis 1:27

So if I have been born again, it means that I’ve gone back to original setting –

1st Corinthians 5:17

King James Bible

Therefore if any man be in Christ, he is a new creature: old things are passed away; behold all things are become new.

GOD’S WORD® Translation

Whoever is a believer in Christ is a new creation. The old way of living has disappeared. A new way of living has come into existence.

New Living Translation

This means that anyone who belongs to Christ has become a new person. The old life is gone; a new life has begun!

You may do a further study on this scripture it would bless you.

So if the old is passed and the new is here, it means my definition of fear and how I relate to it must change.

‘Practical Ways” of Dealing with Fear

By “practical ways” I mean psychologists’ prescription for dealing with fear.

In the course of researching this subject, I found many prescriptions for dealing with fear.

On the surface many of them were great. I’ll give you an example…

1. When faced with fear, confront it; stare the fear in the face and acknowledge it.

2. Then go away to a quiet place.

3. Empty your mind of all the negative thoughts and finally,

4. Begin to meditate on positive things. Think of green meadows, peacefully flowing streams, birds chirping in the trees or a beautiful sunset.

Some Psychologists even recommend yoga and other methods of meditation.

Yes, most of these prescriptions may help calm your nerves for that moment. But do they get to the root of the fear? I dare say, NO!

My Own Coping Mechanism

There’s one thing that has helped me so far to deal with fear. This is in addition to the tested, proven and true method of the bible.

Nobody taught me to do this, I just found myself thinking this way. Or maybe years of walking and fellowshipping with the Holy Spirit taught me. I can’t say categorically what prompted me to do this when fear or one of those “what ifs” come visiting.

I gather all my what ifs, line them up before me (this is of course an imaginary line up) .

Then I begin to ask myself what the worst case scenario would be about those “what ifs”

So what if I’m still single in my mid to late 40’s? – What’s the worst that can happen?

So what if I never give birth to a child?

So what if I don’t have substantial savings for retirement?

So what if I don’t have a home of my own? What if I’m still renting and can’t afford a home well into my 50s or 60s?

The list goes on and on.

By the time I line up these what ifs and answer the question with the worst case scenario, I find that life would still go on in spite of all the worst case scenarios.

In fact not only would life go on, life would still be enjoyable because there’s more to life than all my “what ifs”.

God’s Prescription For Dealing with The “what If” syndrome

If you examine all the “what ifs” in your life, you’ll discover they stem from a fear of the unknown.

I know many of us would have loved to have the entire picture of our life’s journey. But unfortunately it doesn’t work that way.

“If only God had told me when I turned 18 that i would get married at 45 or at 50 or not at all”.

“If only God had told me that he wanted me to be a preacher instead of allowing me to go through all those career fails”.

“If only God had told me this”… “if only God had told me that”.

But he has already told us all we need to know to live fearlessly. Huh?? When did he do that?

Have you studied your user manual lately? Yep! Your user manual; the bible.

God has a lot to say about your journey on earth and why you don’t have to be afraid.

So when one of those monsters or perky naggings  of “what if” rears up its head, here are some scriptures to meditate upon.

When You Feel Unloved, All Alone or Uncertain and Anxious About The Future

Isaiah chapter 49 (Read and meditate on the entire chapter)

If You Have a Wayward Ward or Child…

When You Fear Impending Shame or Public Embarrassment

Conclusion

“What ifs” would rob you of all the joy that God has for you in the here and now.

God’s got you covered so go ahead and enjoy life!

Yes you heard me; enjoy life! Sing a little louder! Dance more often! Work hard and play hard! Explore new interests and pursue adventure (within Godly limits of course)

Hear Solomon in Ecclesiastes 8:15…

New International Version

So I commend the enjoyment of life, because there is nothing better for a person under the sun than to eat and drink and be glad. Then joy will accompany them in their toil all the days of the life God has given them under the sun.

New Living Translation

So I recommend having fun, because there is nothing better for people in this world than to eat, drink, and enjoy life. That way they will experience some happiness along with all the hard work God gives them under the sun.

Berean Study Bible

So I commended the enjoyment of life, because there is nothing better for a man under the sun than to eat and drink and be merry. For this joy will accompany him in his labor during the days of his life that God gives him under the sun.

The Message Bible

So, I’m all for just going ahead and having a good time – the best possible. The only earthly good men and women can look forward to is to eat and drink well and have a good time – compensation for the struggle for survival these few years God gives us on earth.

Solomon had a very adventurous life before he ended up saying “vanity upon vanity, all is vanity”

Do not wake up one day with all your teeth gone and your eyes dim only to discover that life has passed you by. Then you become a bitter old man or woman!

Leave all the “what ifs” at the master’s feet and skip along with no worries; Yes no worries!